Creating the Change One Conversation at a Time

Triumph in the face of adversity!  Ok, well maybe not quite triumph; maybe more like formidable battle cry.  Ok, to be honest, it's probably more like shaking hands and agreeing to disagree, but it's a start.  What exactly are we dis/agreeing on? How best to serve children, of course. There really is no more important conversation that happens between educators, and the conversation most often left out of legislative discussions about education...but I digress.

So, this past week I had quite a few opportunities to talk with teachers, mostly just listen to them because I'm new and they still don't know what to do with me, but while listening, I get asked a lot of questions.  What do I think? Why are things this way? In a perfect world, what would you do?  Now some of these questions are fishing questions, trying to feel me out, while others are genuine calls for help with situations that haven't yet happened this year.  Being the straight-forward person that I am, especially when talking about all things education, I shared my views when the questions were genuine and responded to the fishing questions with some of my own.  Yeah, ok, maybe not so straightforward there, but I'm working on it.  Then I participated in a Twitter chat (#satchat & #satchatwc) that made me reflect a little more on the very nature of these conversations and how the fact that teachers are willing to engage in this type of dialogue is a springboard for great things!

First thing I realized is that I really have to get my mind in the right place and remember that I'm no longer just another teacher, nor am I a district appointed "coach" of sorts; I'm part of the Admin Team, and even as an intern, they look at me for direction.  These are no longer normal peer conversations, but rather opportunities to help my teachers grow.  I truly believe that in all situations it's important to check myself first because I can only control me and my reactions.  I need to focus on reflective questioning rather that making statements as if they're fact.

Then I took stock of the actual conversations themselves and realized there are patterns of concern that I will be addressing in some fashion here this year, but also that I will more than likely face regardless of the school I'm in--concerns such as discipline, reluctant learners, differentiation, and perceived lack of administrative support (in terms of discipline).  I have a couple of posts planned for my other blog on behavior and interventions, as part of my A-Z of Education Today, so I'll leave my views MOSTLY on there because this post really is about the conversations.

Let me quickly throw in the caveat that teachers are not the only ones who begin the year focused on discipline before the students even step foot in the building.  As I was sitting in a meeting of all district administrators, one of the very first questions that was asked was "How will we be entering discipline?" quickly followed by "Will we be able to see historical discipline issues?".  *Raised eyebrows*

I've decided that these conversations could be placed into three categories:

Behavior vs Learning: What's the focus?
Panic is probably the best description for one of the conversations I had. "I thought I was ready until I met the students! We have students with this label and students with that label. How is that fair to the other students?" I've been there, felt that, but I dropped the ball on this one when the response to "Now that you know, what are you doing to do?" was "Teach to the Middle." *cricket cricket* Yep, that was me, dumbfounded. If I look back over what I know of Education, we've been traditionally teaching to the middle forever, and yet our middle is still unprepared. Ok, so I WILL revisit this one at a later date when I'm better prepared to tackle it. *adds to to-do list*

Excitement mounts when there is a behavior management plan we think will work, right? Like incentives for good behavior (homework done, preparedness, etc) that result in extra credit...that should work, right? Um...what's the focus? Do those extra points skew how you look at that child's proficiency on the standards? What are we telling the kids really matters? Behavior incentives should be behavior based, not linked to academics.  You see, this conversation I was ready for! Yes, I know, parents like grades and students like extra credit, but we've created this monster, and it's time we tame it.

Compliance vs Change: Who has the power?
Ahhh, the all-important website.  Everyone has to have one, and everyone is supposed to update it at least monthly. What's the purpose of a school or teacher website?  Unfortunately, many teachers see having a website as just one more thing to do, so it becomes a compliance issue.  The change comes in seeing it as a communication too, which really is the point after all. "But, I post all of my information and updates on Edmodo."  That's great, fine, cool, add the link for parents on your school-based webpage that says "Check us out on Edmodo!" We seriously never know who we're communicating with when it comes to our public webpages, but I'm not sure blank pages or way outdated pages send the message we want.  "Parents don't really look at our pages anyway." Are we sure about that? Even if that's true for many, does that mean we shouldn't communicate with the ones who do? We have the power to change how we relate to others when we get past just doing things for compliance.

As an aside, thought not really, I was amazed at how many teachers truly believe that Administrators have no power, that everything is pushed down and we just comply.  If they think we are powerless in the office..........empowerment is another area I'm concerned with and trying to figure out how it can be tackled.

Us vs "Them": Who's at fault?
The school year hasn't quite started and the dissenting voices are swirling around, just a little right now, but still swirling.  Finger pointing is a bad habit we have in schools.  "Students are apathetic." "Parents are uninvolved." "Administration doesn't support us." "Central Office doesn't understand what we're going through." and when those don't get an affirmative response, "Legislature is out to get us; they just don't treat us right!" Yep, I've had that thrown out, not as a real concern but rather as a hopeful way to change the subject.  Uh oh...hit a nerve.  Back to that empowerment thing; when we feel empowered, we have to take responsibility.  Yes, there are things out of our control.  Yes, there are people making decisions without any experience or knowledge of the repercussions for their decisions.  We, however, have a moral obligation to live up to those posters we put in our rooms.  I've seen so many with the "It takes a village to raise a child" posters, and I'm looking for examples of it being lived every day: collaborate with peers to reach students; communicate with parents in ways that work for them; share your best practices and be open to learn other ways of doing things; appreciate and empower our classified personnel, so they see the students as their kids too.

I'm just one person trying to model change, but we're all educators; we need to model the change we want to see. It starts with one conversation, one reflective question, one challenge to the status quo.

Who knew?

Who knew?

Who knew that there was still so much to plan, create, and do 3 weeks before school starts, even before teachers enter the building?  As a teacher, I knew how much I had to get done, so I started early, got my classroom together, and prepped my lessons, so I could help my colleagues as they came in ready to try and fit everything in the week before students start, amidst meetings and trainings, and open houses.  Not once did I think about all of the work that goes into preparing those staff meetings, or getting teacher materials ready, or planning the Open House activities.  Not once did I imagine that there would be so many last minute mandates and adjustments to schedules and decisions out of the school's control.

Who knew?

Who knew that a principal could feel the same amount of nerves and stress for the first day back for teachers that teachers feel for students' first day back? Is the agenda right? Will they like the activities? What about breakfast? You want to take how many people for training in what?!?! This is our first meeting together as a staff! 

Who knew?

Who knew the amount of work the support staff puts in just to make sure all of the clerical things are ready for when teachers and students come back? Copies? Made. Folders? Stuffed. Schedules? Printed. Keys? Ready. Supplies? Ordered. Mailboxes? Relabeled and alphabetized. Phones? Answered. Students? Registered. Buses Schedules? Attached to Class Schedules and ready for student pick up. and the list goes on and on.

Who knew?

Who knew that adults are just as guilty of the copy and paste mentality as students? How should we plan this? Here's last year's, just change the dates and times.  Expediency over innovation breeds frustration, at least that's what I've learned in the past few days.  Also, delegation of copied and pasted plans creates a series of last-minute reviews, rehashing, rewriting, and time wasting; so much for expediency.  Can anyone guess that I'm all about changing things up?  Oops!  That's not a who knew though because anyone know knows me already knows that...lol

Who knew?

Who knew how much life gets breathed back into a building just by the arrival of teachers?  The school is a very empty and lonely place before everyone comes back.  The hustle and bustle of hallway chatter, quick-fire requests, and shuffling furniture are a welcomed change to listening to yourself turn the page of the next memo you're writing because there are no other sounds around.  I have been in my school for an entire week already, and today was the first day I really just wanted to get out of my office and walk the halls; teachers, you are appreciated, and you were missed! Yes, even those of you who bounced out ASAP, room still undone on the eve of Orientation and Open House while others stayed to make sure every poster ever created was carefully glued to the walls.

Who knew?

Who knew that the anticipation of having students in the building could be just as exciting today, without a classroom of my own, as it was my first year of teaching 8 years ago?  Students give me a reason to do what I do; they're the impetus of the conversations I have with teachers.  The possibility of making one minor, positive difference in their lives gives me the energy to keep going.  Yes, there will be struggles, especially with trying to learn this whole new perspective this year, and Yes, there will be frustrations when I see things that I would've done so much differently, but there's nowhere else I'd rather be and nothing else I'd rather do.

Who knew?

Who knew that there are so many things in education that even those of us in education take for granted?  I'm so looking forward to taking notice of all of those things that make a difference and yet often go unseen and unappreciated.  I'm looking forward to a great 2013-2014 School Year!!

Who knew?

Getting over myself and getting on with it

I know I haven't kept up with posting like I wanted to or said I would, but I have done a ton of reflecting over the past couple of weeks, and I'm both eager and nervous about getting started in my school next Monday.  So many questions going through my head and nearly every single one is about me, not the job, not the process, ME...how am I going to hold it together and yet grow through all this?

We hear all the time about the different ways of leading--by example, by teaching, by doing, etc--but then last week during our last class we were told that our primary job in this year's internship is to Lead by Learning.  Hmm...wow...What in the world does that mean?  Ok, I mean, I theoretically know what the words mean, but how exactly does one equate the two parts (leading and learning) without one of the other "by"s mentioned earlier or simply reverting to the cliched title Life-long Learner?  Just another one of those profound statements that gets filed away for another day when I have something more concrete to connect it to...and then someone brings it up again: "Your job is to Lead by Learning."  Fine, I get it; time to figure this out and make it a goal.  So, here is my brain dump.

I've always looked at the titles "learners," "teachers," and "leaders" as having two catergories: the natural and the created.  There are some people to whom all three of these things come naturally; that's not to say that they can't develop strong skills in each, but for the most part, these "naturals" rarely struggle through the process.  Those people who create themselves as one or all go through some often difficult struggles in order to reach a level of success; they may not like the process or even want to be in the category really, but they make it there over time.  My conundrum comes from the fact that these things have always felt very natural to me; I never really had to work at them, at least I didn't feel like it was much work.  I've also had a hard time understanding the struggles of others for whom they don't come naturally, often catching myself saying "What are they thinking?" or "How do they not just get that?"  These questions in my own head have always been a challenge with my patience, or lack thereof.

Hmmm...patience.  Yeah, definitely never been one of my strong points.  In fact, I don't think it existed until late into my first year of teaching, and then it came on like a switch, but only with the students.  People who know me well, including my mom, would joke and ask me how in the world I survived as a teachers because I have NO patience for people. Heck, I often asked myself the same question, and all I could come up with is that I don't expect children, even high-school-aged children, to behave the same way as I expect semi-educated adults to act.  It's not that I have no patience for "people"; I just have little patience for things like complacency, apathy, selfishness, and feigned ignorance (What I call Boboism: knowing how and choosing not to). I especially have little patience for these things with professional adults who I expect to at least fake it well enough to still do their job appropriately because that's what they're paid to do.  So, yeah, hmmm, Lead by Learning.

I have a goal for this year and that's to struggle through this patience with adults thing.  It was a bit easier when I was in the classroom because I could close my door, work with my students, and hope that they not only learned the content I was teaching but also how to be a little less of those things that try my patience.  When I left the classroom, I learned that I had to tamp down that impatience in order to work with other teachers more directly; it has truly been an effort in learning to control my behavior in light of someone else's--reactive rather than proactive.  Moving into this new role requires that I learn how to ask "What can I do to help you see things differently?" rather than "WTF are you thinking?"  It's no longer appropriate to avoid these types of conversations, and so I need to LEARN how to LEAD through them.  Easier said than done, but necessary.

Wish me luck!

Observation vs Evaluation...In other words, what I know I didn't know

Ever have one of those moments (read 7.5 hours) of having your brain scrambled?

No?  Must just be me then.  We spent an entire day this week looking at the NC Teacher Evaluation Instrument (TEI), the teaching standards, and the observation/evaluation process.  I thought I was very familiar with it; I mean, I've been evaluated on it before and I used the instrument during a peer observation, so I would hope I had a pretty strong grasp of how the TEI is supposed to be used and what the rubric levels meant.  Yeah, not so much.

To link to the actual TEI, click HERE.

Through working with my teachers this past year, I became very familiar with the premise of the TEI being tied very tightly to the Framework for 21st Century Learning that posits all of the skills and knowledge students should have by high school graduation on a system of supports that includes instruction.  

Some of the skills that students are expected to demonstrate, like Global Awareness, are directly addressed in the TEI as necessary elements of effective teaching for 21st Century Learning.  I studied this, took a workshop, feel pretty confident in this knowledge, or at least I know where to look for the best information...HERE, in case you're interested.

I also knew there the two categories of teachers--probationary and career status--are observed and evaluated slightly differently, although with the same instrument.  I was also fairly sure I knew and understood the actual standards on which teachers are evaluated.

1. Teachers demonstrate leadership
2. Teachers establish a respectful environment for a diverse population of students
3. Teachers know the content they teach
4. Teachers facilitate learning for all students
5. Teachers reflect on their practice
6. Teachers contribute to the academic success of students

What lost me was the actual and appropriate implementation of the rubric and the observation/evaluation process.  By about hour 3, I felt like the facilitator was trying to make me erase everything I thought I knew and replace it with other information.  Anyone remember that old anti-drug commercial, "This is your brain; this is your brain on drugs?"  Well, this was my brain on the TEI rubric and process.  

For example, while I understood that the observation process is meant to be a coaching model, I didn't realize that the end of the year evaluation is not meant to be an average of the ratings on each observation.  It makes sense after having it explained to me, but hearing it made me question why it was often difficult for me to get what I felt was a honest observation rating.  Yes, of course, there is the whole thing about us being our own worst critics, but I know when a lesson was not really a lesson. Anyway, I digress.

The rubric...ah the rubric

In my mind, if the goal for the state is for every teacher to be proficient, then a competence should be demonstrated pretty obviously with some consistency, but that's not how the rubric works.  To be proficient, you just have to show you know how to do the skill, although you might not have perfected it yet.  This is a big deal for me because I'm not sure I want someone who demonstrates any parts of these standards just once in a classroom for 180 days.  Then again, as this is a growth model, I see it as my job to continue to help them progress and improve, moving into more consistent demonstration.  Also, when I reflected on it further, the National Board Certification process is to distinguish Accomplished Teachers from Proficient Teachers, so it makes sense that consistent practice would demonstrate accomplishment.  So, here's the way it was explained to me:

• Developing: Knowing that to ride a bike, you have to put your feet on the pedals, but still falling off every time you try.
• Proficient: Getting on the bike, pedaling, and able to travel 100ft while wobbly or even to the corner store and back (proficient has the widest range of all of the ratings).
• Accomplished: Riding your bike to and from work each day just because it's the thing to do (the action appears effortless).
• Distinguished: Riding your bike to and from work everyday effortlessly AND showing someone else how to ride a bike without falling.

As if riding a square-wheeled bicycle isn't enough of a challenge, the ratings on the final evaluation determine the level of Professional Development Plan needed at the beginning of the next year.  I'm not even going to try and tackle that aspect of it now, but I will, at some point, have something to say about it, I'm sure.

In a nutshell...

As one of our first assignments, we were asked to create our own vision of an outstanding school, including defining one core belief that would guide our leadership of that school.  Here is my belief:

The primary core belief that I hold about all school stakeholders is the importance of self-efficacy.  I believe that we can accomplish anything if we believe we can enough to effectively work towards it.  Holding this as my core belief impels me to ensure that all stakeholders have the resources, knowledge, and confidence to be successful.  Believing that all students can learn and be successful forces me to hold my teachers accountable for facilitating and encouraging that learning.  Believing that all teachers can teach what they are passionate about pushes me to facilitate their learning through PLCs, shared leadership, and positive reinforcement for their efforts in ensuring student growth.  Believing that all parents can help their children be successful drives me to create programs and activities that teach them appropriate ways to be involved in the school and their student’s learning.  Believing that the work the support staff does is critical to the daily running of the school prompts me to build on their strengths and interests so that they feel as if they are making an impact.  Believing that the community at large has the capacity to move a school to greatness motivates me to make the connections necessary to bring in the people and resources that will make the being impact.  Of course, my core belief is about self-efficacy because it is not enough for the principal to believe these things, it is imperative that all of these stakeholders also believe they are capable of being successful in their roles within the school.

Just keep swimming...

As I prepare my mind to head back for week two of Summer Intensive (and they meant Intensive), I look back and realize that each and every day of the past week I came here with the intention of making sense of everything we were doing and learning.  Then I would look at this blank page and realize how truly overwhelmed I am; how exactly does one portray the image of their brain near capacity for blowing up?

So, here I sat every night looking at this page, changing the post's title to match what day it was or what I was thinking of saying for that day, and nothing would separate enough from the jumbled mess to become a coherent thought.

Quick Recap of the week:

• Monday was held at Team Quest Experiential Camp where we did a lot of fun team building activities that made us think of who we really are and how we really relate to people.  This was my second time at Team Quest, and while I still didn't do the challenge course for my crazy fear of heights, I actually wish I had done it, which is so different than how I felt the last time that I'll call it a win.
  
• Tuesday was our first day in the classroom together and began with nearly 2 hours of introductions.  We completed the day thinking about and sharing why we want to be a principal.  Still not too bad of a day for me but rather a clear realization that I am here and this adventure is starting.
  
• Wednesday proved to be the breaking point for quite a few people, as we were asked to share our struggles and celebrations at the beginning of class.  There were tears all around the room, and all I kept thinking was "If this is only the beginning of day 3, what is day 13 going to look like?"  Then I got a glimpse as the whirlwind of overviews of Standards 1, 2, 4 and 7 got throw at us at maximum speed in between activities to help us develop our own vision statements and core beliefs and values.  By 11:30 Wednesday night, as I finished my first homework assignment, I already couldn't keep things straight.

• Thursday just seemed like a flood of information from the very start.  We began with an activity on Time Management to see whether our impression of how our time will be taken up now is the same as our reality/observation at the end of the internship, and then we dove head first into School Law.  Man, there are so many cases that have set precedents for what we do everyday.  While looking at some of these cases I couldn't help but think how so many of those administrative decisions seem to me like they should've been common sense, but then I begin to wonder if it only seems that way because I didn't live in the world before they were made.  One of the most profound things we were told was to not judge those in a position we have never had, and so I'm trying to keep that in mind when I think about the decisions being made or that have been made.  It's so easy to say "should've...could've...would've" without actually being in the situation to do it.  Then we finished the day listening to a panel of principals talking about how to create and implement a vision.  They shared so many great things, but again I walked out to my car feeling like I was drowning in this sea of information.
  
• Friday seemed like the busiest of the 4 in-class days, and yet it went the most quickly.  We got to meet with two panels of members from PTLA Cohorts 1 & 2 to talk about what being in PTLA is really like and what to expect in this summer intensive as well as the internship and after graduation.  I will admit that the more they talked about relationship, and it was mentioned repeatedly, the more nervous and unsure I became.  I have such a hard time with the idea of having a plan for building personal relationships with people, as I've always just let them happen or not happen naturally.  Then one of them said, "Relationships are key the changing a school, but they have to be based on professional things."  I can handle that.  I know that I will have to step outside of my comfort zone much more with getting to know people and networking, but I feel better about the process knowing I can focus on the professional aspects of the relationship while I get to know people personally.  This was also the day we did our first presentation of the year--an PowerPoint introducing ourselves to our internship staff that explains who we are, why we are there, and what we bring to the table.  I rarely have a problem presenting, but the creation of that slide show was a bit difficult for some reason, probably because I think it matters now that people get to know me.
  

I really was not prepared for the intensity of this first week; it's certainly not like any courses or trainings that I've participated in before, and I left Friday completely mentally exhausted.  Now that I've had time to let things sit and reflect on all that was thrown at us, I realize that I'm still excited to be doing this.  I have worked with some awesome people throughout my career, but like I said during our reflection time on Wednesday morning, I have never before been in a room with a group of people and not thought "Why are you here?" of at least one of them.  I don't know about the previous 2 cohorts, but this group is pretty amazing, and I can't wait to see where each of us grow to.  So, I'm walking into week 2 tomorrow with a little better understanding of what to expect and the determination to...

The Prequel

Fewer than 48 hours before we get this party started, and I already have so many thoughts going through my head--some of them mind, and some of them reflections from the books we've been asked to read before Day 1 of classes.  I don't know about anyone else, but when I think about all I would like to do, I mostly come up with questions about what I really can accomplish, and then I read a book and I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I think to!" or "Oh my, I never thought about that."  I don't know whether it's better to have all the questions or all the answers, but I do know that these assigned readings have helped me start the reflection process (Click on the Links for more info on the books):

• Crucial Conversations: While reading this one, I tried to keep in mind scenarios that I've been in as a teacher and Learning Team Facilitator, but inevitably my mind continued to go back to conversations I've had and need to have in my personal life.  I don't know about anyone else, but there are plenty of times I've felt the need to say something but get so bogged down with the how to say it that it never gets said.  Probably my biggest take away will be these three question in a frame for my desk, so that I can remember my purpose:
• What do I really want for myself?
• What do I really want for others?
• What do I really want for the relationship?
• Teaching with Poverty in Mind: A couple of years ago, I got the pleasure of attending one of Eric Jensen's workshops based on this book, so I was quite familiar with the content.  What I found most helpful were the action steps he includes in the book that I don't remember being part of the workshop (maybe I zoned out), so I've marked each other them, and will keep the book on my shelf as a sort of trouble-shooting manual.  One of the things that sticks with me the most was what he calls the "Seven Achievement Killers" because I can clearly picture examples of each of these that I've either been part of or observed in my schools:
• Overdoing the Pep Talks and Hot Air:  He says "instead of repeating platitudes, explain why hope is justified."
• Planning Endlessly:  "If you cannot generate, share, and agree upon a plan in 30 days, the plan is too complicated."  Yep, I've definitely been on one (or more) of those endless-planning committees.
• Putting Kids First and Staff Last: "Like soldiers in war, teachers need logistical support, emotional support, and development."  I've seen this pendulum swing back and forth to the extremes many times, so I'm hoping to find a middle ground.
• Creating a Climate of Fear:  I think this is quite self-explanatory.
• Measuring Improvement Solely Through Test Scores: Jensen says that in addition to quantitative acheivement, we should also be looking for qualitative data in the form of "soft signs of a successful school", which are tied to moral and decreased discipline.
• Treating the Symptoms, Not the Causes:  We need to figure out what the underlying causes are for the issues we want to tackle, rather just putting bandaids on the things we see that annoy us.
• Counting on Big Wins Quickly: I've seen monster School Improvement Plans, but this year, I learned the value in choosing 2-3 goals for the year and tying all decisions in the school to these goals.
• What Great Principals Do Differently:  Again, I had the pleasure of attending Todd Whitaker's workshop based on this book, and I took away so many things from that workshop that while I was reading the book, I sat here nodding in agreement.  One of the key things that sticks with me, probably because it's always been a hot button issue for me, is what he has to say about staff meetings.  They need to be purposeful, and everyone should be expected to be engaged in the content of the meeting, but that means that the meeting must be meaningful and relevant to the teaching of children.  He says, "No matter what the purpose, content, or focus of the faculty meeting might be, [there should be] one additional goal: [for] the teachers to be more excited about teaching tomorrow than they were today."
• The Principal's Companion:  Honestly, I'm still trying to work through this one.  I have it in my mind that it reads like a trouble-shooting manual, and so without actual scenarios or needs in mind, I'm having a hard time putting it into perspective.  I see it being helpful in the long run, but my own ideas are too jumbled right now to allow this one to settle in.

Being as it took me 2 days to finish this post, it is now T-1 hour before we go do this team-building thing and see what we're in for this year.  I've been to this experiential camp before, and I'm still nervous about the Ropes Course, mostly because I'm afraid of heights.  Last time, I couldn't even attempt one of the climbs, preferring to be a coach on the ground, so we'll see what today brings.  It would be a shame to die of a heart attack on Day 1, but I'm sure they'll be a post about it, even if from the great beyond.

Do I really want to do this?

Three years ago an email came through our servers about a new path to becoming a principal: Join PTLA Cohort 1 and get your administrator's license in one year while keeping your current salary and completing a 1-year internship.  "Why not?" I thought, although I really never had any intention of becoming anyone's principal.  I wasn't exactly happy in my school anymore, although I still loved teaching my students, but did I really want that responsibility.  Anyway, I completed the application requirements, including writing an essay and never heard back.  Oh well, another opportunity opened up for me to try a different leadership role, so I took it.

Two years ago, I got another email: Time to apply to PTLA Cohort 2.  According to the email, the first group was having tremendous success in their internships thus far, and with only 2 more years left on the grant, now would be the perfect time to apply.  Fortunately, I happened to be working in a school with one of Cohort 1's interns, and I was truly impressed.  I was already a leader of sorts, but maybe I could be doing more for kids and teachers, so after more careful consideration, I submitted another application packet.  I still wasn't quite convinced, but the program really was the opportunity of a lifetime, so I put a lot of myself into the essay...and I got an interview.  Of the 50+ applicants, they interviewed 14 people, and I was one of them!  I didn't make it into my district's final 7; in fact, I was told that I was number 8.  Ouch!  Talk about reflection time.  What was it that made me not quite make the mark?

Last year, when the email announced that it was time to consider applying for what might be the last cohort of the Piedmont Triad Leadership Academy, I felt ready to take the step.  I had worked in all three levels of public school (elementary, middle, and high), and I had worked with enough administrators to know pretty much what I was getting myself into, and I had taken this entire year to grow personally and professionally.  I felt it; I was ready!  Yeah, not so much when you can't get your mind centered enough to write an essay.  Or maybe you get a friend/colleague to sit down, talk you through it, and help you get started only to have your supervisor read it and ask what in the hell you are thinking.  All I kept telling myself was that I HAD to make it to the interview, had to.  If I could just get through the essay and make it to the interview, I would be one of the top 7.  So why was I scrapping everything I had written with less than a week before the due date?  Crazy, that's what I am, just crazy! Why did I have to put so much of myself into last year's essay?  Why couldn't I just turn the same thing in this year?  Why am I stressing about this so much?  The two days before the due date was a horrible time for me; I'm surprised I'm not bald from tearing my hair out, but I finally had an epiphany--use elements of last year's essay combined with a reflection on how I grew professionally over the past year, and BOOM, I have an interview.  Same questions as last year?  Ok, no problem.  Ready to create a killer video (the homework assignment after last year's interviews)...HALT!  "This year we're doing something different.  We want you to look at your schools School Improvement Plan and choose an area where you can improve performance, and then be prepared to present your plan to us next Friday."  WHAT???  You have got to be kidding me!  Must remember to breathe.  Ok, I can do this...I think.  Wait, what am I doing?  How do I create a plan for improvement on something already in the plan for my school?  If I come up with something completely new, won't my principal be mad that I didn't already share that idea?  If I present on something we're already doing, although it's not quite working, am I meeting the requirement of the project while still towing the line in my school?  What is it I really want from this?  Oh yeah, I really want to make a difference for kids, or else I wouldn't be stressing myself out right now.  Plan ready, Friday comes, presentation done...blew them away!  And now we wait...tick tock, tick tock.

Monday: "Bobbie, have you heard anything?" No, but we just presented on Friday.  Tuesday: "When do you think they'll let you know?" Last year we got a phone call early the next week.  Wednesday: "Are you nervous?"  Seriously, are you asking me that question??? Thursday: "I can't believe you haven't heard yet, surely it shouldn't take that long."  You people are not making this waiting any easier!  Friday morning: "Still haven't heard anything?"  Please stop asking!  Later that morning: "Congratulations!"  For what? "Didn't you get your letter?"  What letter? "Oh, I got a letter yesterday saying you got into the program." Are you kidding me, you found out yesterday, and I still don't have a letter?? (Goes and checks her mailbox...oops)

Ok, it's official, I'm in!  OH wait, but there's more...now you have to apply and get accepted to UNC-G before you are officially a member of the cohort; right now you're just a "candidate".  Another essay?  "Oh yeah, and we need all of your application materials within the next 2 weeks."

*Ring* "Good morning, how may I help you?" Yes, I am applying to your post-Master's Certificate program, and most of my application materials are already on site, but they are attached to another application.  Will they be automatically transferred to my new application, or do I have to send requests for transcripts to all of my schools again?  We only have two weeks to do this in, and one of those transcripts is from Mexico. "They'll be redirected to your new application, but you'll need to send in your final transcript from where you completed your Master's program."  Ok, thank you.  Three weeks later...*Ring* "Good morning, how may I help you?" I've had my application completed for over two weeks now, but I notice that my final transcript is not included. "Ma'am, we haven't received your final transcript."  Are you serious? You can't be serious. (Contact transcript company AGAIN to have it resent) Two more weeks later...*Ring* "Good morning, how may I help you?"  Yes, I'm wondering if you know when we should expect to hear something about whether or not we've been accepted in the post-Master's program, as our applications were due three weeks ago.  "Ma'am a decision was made on your application two weeks ago." What do you mean? "I'm sorry, I can't tell you that decision over the phone, but you should be getting a letter hopefully very soon."  Hopefully?  Just keep breathing.  Later that evening, the acceptance letter was in the mailbox.

So, do I really want to do this?  Definitely!  After all of that, I'm ready to go!